Mourning A Loss

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I had a blog post ready for today, but right now that all seems irrelevant. Who cares about the past when the present and the future feel so dark? I know that my parents, my grandparents, and my great-grandparents would be horrified by what has happened to their country. The country I was taught to love, to honor, to respect.

So forgive me if right now I sound angry. I am angry. I guess I am in that stage of grief. I went through denial last night until I heard Pennsylvania had gone for Trump. Pennsylvania—where I wrote over a hundred letters to voters. Pennsylvania—where my father was born and raised, as was his father and his grandfather, and where my ancestors Jacob Cohen and John Nusbaum came in the 1840s to find new opportunities and freedom from oppression. How could Pennsylvania betray us all?

And yes, this is the grief speaking. I have lost a loved one—that loved one is my long-held belief that Americans are basically good, smart, caring people who believe in freedom, justice, and democracy. I am angry with my fellow Americans who betrayed those ideals by voting for Trump. Maybe I will eventually move on to the bargaining stage. But not right now.

Right now these feelings are too raw, too new. I need to sit shiva for this painful loss before I can move on. So please—don’t tell me to accept and move on. Would you say that to someone sitting shiva for a parent or spouse? Would you tell them to move on in those seven days after the funeral? No. You wouldn’t.

And don’t tell me that I need to mend fences and reach out to those who didn’t vote for Harris. Would you tell a mourner to forgive the person who murdered their loved one? Certainly not while they are sitting shiva. No. That would be cruel.

And I certainly do not want to hear from anyone, family or friend or stranger, who voted for Trump or who didn’t vote at all. I can’t forgive you right now, and hearing from you will only increase my pain. I will delete any comments that say anything in defense of your opinion, your vote.

Right now I am in pain. And I feel nothing but despair and anger and grief. I am in mourning. And like any mourner, I only want support, empathy, and understanding of my grief.

62 thoughts on “Mourning A Loss”

  1. I am truly in a state of shock. I am so angry, so ashamed of this country, I feel we need to go, leave this country that we love, it is the beginning of the end, our freedoms will vanish, our rights will disappear, our lives will be taken. But where do we go, how do we start over again in a foreign land?

    It seems that people of this country have very short memories, history will repeat itself, the end is coming.

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    • I think this must be how our ancestors felt when they left their homelands. Think of Grandpa at 16 leaving Romania—alone. I also think about leaving now. But I don’t know if I am as brave as our grandfather or any of our ancestors.

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      • I was thinking the same thoughts this morning. I am afraid to go, but I am also afraid to stay. How do we live among people who trust and believe in this abomination? We are lost, we are weak and if he does not destroy this country from within, our enemies will destroy us from the outside. Be safe my dear cousin keep the family close.

        Love you forever and always

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    • This is not over yet. Wait. Not all of the ballots are counted in any state yet. Then, the counts have to be reviewed by the state and certified. Keep praying and use your voice. This may be a test from God to see how we react. Do not get violent. But be alert and do what you can legally.

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  2. a very sad day indeed and a great loss for our democracy. I feel your pain and grief. This will take time to process and i doubt it will make me feel any better

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  5. I agree with you 100%, Amy, except I only wrote 40 letters, half to Georgia and half to North Carolina. Of course now I wish I’d texted to Pennsylvania, which is what I did in 2020.

    I’m afraid that some of the people who voted for him did not have access to what we saw and heard. It’s inconceivable, but seriously, I’m afraid it’s true. They get what they deserve but we suffer for their lack of attention. For years we will suffer! How could we not be mourning?

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    • We all did what we could. But honestly—I don’t think it mattered. People who voted for Trump were never going to vote for Harris. Many just lied to pollsters who then marked them as undecided.

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  7. Dear Amy. I was thinking of you last night, and how you must feel. I can say from experience: never loose hope and keep demonstrating and believing in change. There is no other way. As we say here: despair is not an operating plan. Love Miki

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  9. As I have done now 50 times during the campaign, I have written a limerick about this loss:

    The world must hold onto its hat,

    For Trump’s now again up to bat.

    Now many are grieving,

    Their eyes disbelieving.

    They hardly know where they are at.

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  11. Just in case some of you missed my point—I am not interested in hearing from ANY Trump supporters. So if you don’t see your comment here, that’s why. I don’t care who you are. You are not welcome to comment here if you are going to defend your vote for Trump. I’ve already trashed one comment.

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  12. Thank you, Amy, for articulating this so well. Your analogy of our mourning the loss of the rule of law comparing it to sitting shiva, is so appropriate. My family too lived in Pennsylvania and that vote count was the hardest to take in an evening of hard punches. I wish I could offer words of wisdom and healing but I am speechless in my pain.

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  13. Amy – I too feel your pain. I voted for Harris in hopes that we could have but an end to the last 12 years. But I guess Americans have decided to take America down the path that I hoped we would have never gone. I spent 32 years in the military protecting our rights only now to see that we will most likely have them taken away or more likely degraded. I am at the age where I don’t see much of a future for this country and will most likely never see the country that I loved again. I hope I am wrong but don’t feel so at this moment. Do yourself a favor and don’t watch the news, as they will only dwell on the negative and I have had enough of that. Take care – Michael

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  14. Amy, You expressed perfectly what most of us are feeling today. It has been made perfectly clear to us and the world what the United States has become. For those of us who grew up in the 50s and 60s and thought we could never go back, now we aren’t so sure. Unfortunately, when dealing with the possible threats that many may face we must recover quickly and be ready to go into the streets again. It will take more than words to stop the hate which so many have embraced. I was a 17 year old High School student when I took part in my first civil rights demonstration in March 1964. I remember how surprised I was to see so many old people there (probably in their 50s and 60s). Now at 78 I know how important it is for me to be there, not for myself but my grandchildren. Now is the time to mourn. Soon it may be time to be stong.

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  15. We woke up to this devastating news this morning and you were the first I thought of. So awful for democracy. We view the result with utter contempt and sadness. I’ve stopped doom scrolling now. Our thoughts are absolutely with you. I hope you will feel brighter and stronger as the days progress.

    As ever best wishes and fond memories from across the Pond.

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  18. Shocked, disbelief, anger are not strong enough words. Perfectly written post Amy, my only problem – 4 of my 5 daughters voted for him and I am in the deepest depression I have ever felt in my life. My disbelief goes beyond disbelief, honestly I can’t even express my feelings about this. I honestly don’t know how to go forward learning this from one of the girls this morning.

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  19. Thanks for braving the trolls and posting your feelings, Amy. You know mine. I can say I am not surprised, but supremely disgusted that the voters would choose a criminal to lead this country (into the dark ages).

    Our founding fathers were no saints and they caved too readily to the slave-holders amongst them. The very name of this country was cruelly ironic from the beginning. Now it is utterly meaningless. I am in solidarity with you in mourning.

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  20. Oh dear Amy! My heart and mind are with you. Thank you for stating so clearly what you are thinking, feeling, and needing! My love to you and to all of our cousins – and to all of the many vulnerable people (my immediate family included).

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  22. Adding comforting thoughts and sharing in your horror…If I could have voted to stop what happened on Tuesday night, I would have… I can only imagine how devastated you are by the ignorance of those who voted for that hateful, hateful person…

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  23. Amy, good for you! I, too, am standing my ground and not giving any acceptance or tolerance to the ignorance.They are all wrong.

    Mourning is an understatement.

    Love and peace to you and yours,

    Cousin & now Sister Beckie Alden

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  24. I, too, worked hard on this campaign, wrote postcards, phonebanked, contributed, contributed, and continued to set the good example of a just, fair, strong, sane, caring, intelligent, loving, and informed person, citizen, and voter.

    I am also using Goods Unite Us to help stop inadvertently supporting the Christian Nationalist and ignorant companies.

    enough is enough

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